In an ideal world, when couples separate they would be able to let bygones be bygones, move on with their lives and have the separation that celebrities and lifestyle bloggers always preach about – amicable.
But in the real world, it is not always possible to have an amicable separation. There might be conflicts about the reason for the separation, about the children, about finances, about anything.
Especially where there are children involved, there is likely to be a long-lasting connection to your ex-partner. You may both have parental responsibility for the child/children so will need to have communications with that person, no matter how unpalatable that might seem.
If your ex-partner is sending threatening text messages, then the first port of call should be to ask them to stop. This answer cannot cover every topic of potentially threatening messages, and there are shades of grey to consider, but if you feel like you are receiving threatening text messages – or messages via another medium, such as emails, letters, phone calls etc – you should ask them to stop in the first instance.
If the messages continue unabated, then you should consider applying for a non-molestation order. A non-molestation order restricts what the person against whom the order is made is able to do. The standard order includes the following:
“9. The respondent [that is, the person who is sending the threatening messages] must not use or threaten violence against the applicant, and must not instruct, encourage or in any way suggest that any other person should do so.
- The respondent must not intimidate, harass or pester the applicant, and must not instruct, encourage or in any way suggest that any other person should do so.
- The respondent must not telephone, text, email or otherwise contact or attempt to contact the applicant, [except for the purpose of making arrangements for contact between the respondent and the children of the family] / [except through [his]/[her] solicitors [insert name, address and telephone number]].”
You may be concerned that your ex is not going to abide by the terms of an order, given the history of your relationship. A non-molestation order often comes with a power of arrest; if the person against whom the order is made breaches the order – that is, does something they are prohibited from doing – then they ultimately risk being arrested. A Non-molestation order can therefore give you that protection against receiving threatening or abusive messages.
Another alternative, if you have to have some contact with your ex for the sake of child arrangements, is to use a communications app such as My Family Wizard. These apps record the conversations and are helpful if you need to show to a court the type of language that is being used.
If you feel like you and/or your child are at immediate risk of physical harm, call 999 without delay.
