This year more than most, the summer holidays for separated parents can be a difficult and confusing period. Trying to agree if one or both of the parents should be able to spend time abroad with the children can prove to be a tricky subject.
Associate Melissa Jones examines the issues.
Any difficulties in the relationship may well be those of the parents, but it is the children who can reluctantly find themselves in the midst of adult arguments, confused that those to whom they look for guidance are not getting along and often incorrectly blaming themselves for either parents’ upset or even anger. It is easy and perhaps natural for a parent going through such a difficult time to concentrate on themselves at these times, but it is very important if trying to sort arrangements out amicably, not to lose focus of a child’s needs or emotional well-being when they may already be feeling overwhelmed and trying to understand why their parents might not be friends, as well as distress and confusion about their new family circumstances.
The child’s best interests
If charged with deciding, the court will determine matters in accordance with what is in a child’s best interests. As such, and even if it is not what you want to hear personally, try to listen to your children. They may well help you in taking a step back from your own bubble and decide what’s best for them.
Open lines of communication
Good forward planning and open lines of communication with the other parent are essential when working towards organise your children’s summer holiday. Despite past difficulties, there are families who are able to work together to the extent that they can spend a summer break together, although sadly this is not the usual situation. However, regardless of whether you and your former partner are on good terms or not, taking time to come to a mutual decision about what’s best is without doubt the best way forward: from agreeing a safe destination that both parents are happy with to arranging how and where the children are going to spend time with each of their parents over the holiday period, it is by maintaining these open lines of communication that you will achieve a good outcome.
We have seen arrangements agreed where the separated parents have both gone to the same resort or holiday area, and the children have spent one or two weeks with one parent and then spent another week or two with the other parent, meaning that travel arrangements are simplified and there is the smallest amount of disruption possible.
It isn’t easy but it needn’t be difficult either. A little bit of willingness to accommodate the other parent’s request – when they can get time off from work, or if there is a holiday home owned by relatives and can you take a break in the same region to make things easier – can go a long way. Here are McAlister Family Law we encourage our clients not just to try to achieve a respectful divorce, but to remain respectful of one another in the years after that divorce. If you can each try to give a little in order to reach an agreement that will suit everyone involved, particularly your children, in the long run you will be glad you did so.
